Monday, July 11, 2011

Updates From The Road

Dear Mom and Uncle Edna,
things on tour have been pretty swell!  So far I've travelled over 9 continents, 36 cities, and 2 towns.  The shows have been epic and the groupies have been thorough but more importantly, the STDs have been superb!  Last night I opened for JUSTICE and some duo named Daft Prunk (?)!  After, we went to a mansion party at Gary Busey's house and watched Zack Effron breast feed Usher and Jamiroquai at the same time!  Everyone seemed very sick because they were taking a lot of medicine in pill form, powder form, and even suppository form, how bizarre?  Anyways, I just wanted to check in and let you know that I'm fine and that everyone has been so kind to me, especially our bus driver Sven who I have awoken to several times staring at me over my bed in the middle of the night!  Here's some of the more recent happenings:

Video of the Week:

Lost Atlas Teaser
I met some surfer dudes while playing a gig in Morocco and turns out that they're quite talented.  I checked out their movie teaser and it looks to be quite fascinating and it features some of my newest friends who go by the names of: Rain Deynolds, Jordan Smithson, Cologne Andino, Julian "Beiber" Wilson, Lil John, ex-baseball player Chipper Jones, and some other dudes whose names I can't even pronounce.  I really got along well with the "Ossy Lads" and picked up a new favorite word, I think it's called "froth"?

Track of the Week:
PNAU - Solid Ground (Cassian Remix)

On my way to Indonesia, we stopped in Australia with those wild surfer dudes and I did an impromptu set for a legendary lad that goes by the name of Cassian.  Turns out Cassian was an awesome dewd and had an arsenal of Nu Disco/House bangers that would make Earth Wind N Fire and Boney M quiver in their snow boots!  After our sets, we stayed on stage and flapped around the "Poon Rag" (they misspelled a few letters), pointed out groupie myrts most likely to give SEBJS (barbarian term for spread eagle blow jobs), and just lived the dream!  Good times in the land of Froth.

Steez of the Week:

The Emperor's Clothing - Nakie T-Shirt and Ass-Less Chaps.
It may look as though there isn't a picture of my new favorite t-shirt and pants above but upon further inspection, you will see nothing short of a masterpiece.  We've got a tour stylist who hails from Zaire and he's been decking us out with this sick new brand called The Emperor's Clothing.  The threads are light weight, super steezy, and they are uber attention-grabbing!  Everywhere I go people stop and immediately stare at my junk and most often they shun the beauty from their children's eyeballs!  The pants are so easy access that I don't even have to unzip or button to take a William Shatner!

That's all for now, just wanted to say hi!  Please feed the fish, air-out my headgear, and send new boxers and cookies ASAP!  Mine are all soiled and I have a major rash from free-ballin, so send BenGay too, thanks!

Miss and Love You
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