Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Clandestino Surfing Candy

A few weeks ago, a package arrived at my door step.  Expecting a pink ball gag and the newest issue of Wizard Universe, I was pleasantly surprised when in actuality, I had received a black padded envelope filled with a product I had never heard of called Clandestino Surfing Candy courtesy of the lovely General Manager; Melissa Montoya (zanks).  A surfing candy?  I've heard of wetsuit soap, rashguard balm, and bootie warmers, but never had I heard of a candy that was made for surfers by surfers that "gives you one hour of clean energy".

After a previous night filled with frothy ruckus, that day was gloomy and so was my head.  I hadn't surfed in about a month and I decided it was time I checked in on my old pal Poseidon.  Upon making my normal 45 minute commute from DTLA to any stretch of beach, I brought along my surf candy, ready for consumption and experimentation.  A small oval shaped niblet that fits perfectly in your pocket (waterproof wrapper), tastes like chocolate covered bananas, and has a 1 year shelf life, this surfing candy thing was starting to intrigue me.

I got to the beach and as always, the waves looked like pure Doberman shit.  So I did what I normally do when I can't make up my mind, lean back and take a nap-o-leanz.  I dreamt I was a unicorn frolicking at Myrtle Beach while being showered with Reese's Pieces and Ovaltine shakes; then I awoke.  The waves still looked like ass but I decided to charge it anyway and give this lil candy a try.  After I wiggled into my new 4/3 Excel Drylock (zanks Mads), I waxed up my shred sled, and began eating my Clandestino.  Like a banana flavored cousin to a fig newton, the Clandestino tasted great and went down easy, I was ready to shralp.

For not having surfed in a month, I was surprisingly spunky and not as out of breath as I thought I would have been.  Rando 4 foot storm peaks fluttered through the line up as I scratched to catch 'em and managed to finagle a few floater tweaks, corner turns, and almost my 6th ever backside reverse.  For once in my life, I wasn't kooking it and I actually felt as though I contained more power, fluidity, concentration, aggression, and energy than I usually do.

I knew the tall boyz of PBR (sahh hipster) I had the night prior, definitely did not boost me up that day, so by the process of elimination, I concluded that the lil buddy Clandestino bar that I had eaten before my session truly helped me out in what would have been just another shitty session on a shitty day.  If you wanna shred like Kelly while living like Wardo, give these things a try and see for yourself the spunk they put in your surfing step.

Clandestino Surfing Candy will be hitting your nearest surf shop soon but for more info, visit the Clandestino Surfing Candy website, join the mailing list, and give 'em a try!

-If you have some new shit you want tested or reviewed, send it my way and I'll be happy to give it a try, just as long as it doesn't make me break out in hog warts or jaundice like those damn suction cup shoes did...
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