Friday, December 31, 2010
Top 3 Pet Peeves of 2010
They say negativity is the ROOT of all evil, I say life without a daily ROOT is just plain evil. 2010 was good to me in so many ways but instead of being Mr. happy-go-lucky as always, I've decided to shine some light on the negative things that pissed me the fuck off this last year. Lets get down to business.
SAH's Top 3 Pet Peeves of 2010
#1 The Home Depot
Not only is The Home Depot one of the biggest stores I've ever walked into but, the place smells like shit and everybody in there seems to have paint chips up their ass! As I seldom walk around that hell hole like a chicken with his head cut off, I might as well have a sign that says "hold my hand, I'm trying to build a cake", I still have yet to have a single worker even notice my haole ass! Next time I go in there in hopes of building a skate ramp, finding some ding repair supplies, or tubes for my 2-in-1 beer pong/bidet, I think I'd have better luck asking Tonya Harding for a spare crowbar...
If Satan and Hades got shneeked out and fucked up on absinthe all night, blacked out, and awoke 9 months later with a baby, there is no doubt in my mind its name would be SUP! Satan's sled and the janitor's throne, Stand Up Paddleboarding has to be the absolute worst fucking invention ever made. I'm convinced that the people who ride/buy these pieces of shit also sign their self dignity away in a contract stating "upon setting foot on said Paddleboard, my balls will shrink inside of my stomach and my wiener will revert into a rainbow flag".
Leave your fuckin broom and pieces of sidewalk in boys town!
#3 Babies On A Plane
This year's North Shore adventure = 45 Days of perfect surf, hot pro hoes ready to give wristys at the drop of a dime, raging parties that make Hollywood look like a kiosk, and an endless supply of beer/energy shneex/sex/drugs/rock n roll! Too bad I was stuck in a fucking nerdbot trailer during my entire stint on The Rock and only got to witness said activities through a dweeb monitor. Needless to say, when the day came for me to go back to Cali, I was more than frothing at the mouth to hop on da plane! Until...
May your 2011 be filled with positive vibrations brada! Roooots rock reggae!
You've Just Been Frothed by SURF AMBASSADOR HENDO