"Tupac put a cross on his back, you wanna put crosses on yo back" -50 Cent
Disclaimer: Not intended for children below the age of 18 (who knows, the title is a bit vague).
Blogging, the art of the man/woman behind the curtain (see photo I made below). Seems like everyone is starting a blog these days and I couldn't be more stoked! Not only am I glad to have somehow inspired a few friends but I'm stoked because I'll have more content to write about and friends to stroke off on here!
When I started this thing back before Nam, I never thought that people would actually give a shit about what I wrote/said/frothed/or did. They still don't but that don't faze me, I still write and post because it's almost as if this site has become a part of me and it's also sometimes surprisingly therapeutic (especially when I rant about things that bother me like wet socks, stick figure bumper stickers, sandy wetsuits, or spooning). Looking back now, I realize a lot of things I did right and a lot of things I did terribly wrong. How I wish an old man Splinter such as I have become were there to guide me through the crazy maze that is blogging. That's why I'm here today for all of you taking your first step on your Blog N' Trog journey! Here's a few helpful hints to those of you starting a blog or thinking about starting one:
1.) Pick a subject to blog about and DON'T stick with it!
Surf Ambassador Hendo started off as a one trick pony as I would solely talk about shralping, frothing waves, and everything involving surfing. When I started to diversify a bit, I noticed it was like bringing the bin of doom to a cocktail party compared to showing up with a handle of plastic vodka that no one would drink except for the true alchys. Diversify your subjects & diversify your myrts (latinas taught me things I'd never even dreamt of, but that's another story...).
2.) Speak your mind until the feds take you down.
I used to censor myself on here and say things like "shoot" "darn it" and "to heck". But then, a fellow frother and one of the greatest bloggers of all time who went by the name of: The Beach Goth took me and the world by storm with his utter carelessness and DGAF (Don't Give A Fuck) attitude! This guy was a true maniac! Not only did he embed porno clips from redtube and the likes onto his blog, he had videos about how to make shneeks and a section of his blog entitled "Girls I'd like to Kidnap and Rape." Once I saw that rawness, I figured he pushed the limits to the extreme and made my shit look like pretty boy Justin Timberlake compared to punk rock Sid Vicious. You'll never know boundaries until you reach the edge...
3.) Anything is better than nothing.
A trog in one hand is better than none with no hands...
Never would I have thought that a drunken/disturbing post about loving dolphins and wanting to get weird with them would generate me the most hits ever for a single post on my site! I was just faded and had ran out of something mildly remarkable to say and so I just said fuck it and clicked the publish button after diarrhea came out of my brain and onto the page. When I awoke the next morning, I was inches away from taking it down. But then I started to notice that people stumbled across this site the most by searching for "I Love Dolphins". Whether they wanted to land on here or not is purely fate but one thing is for certain, they wouldn't have landed on here if I didn't write anything that day. Whether you write about frolicking in the Icelandic meadows with your sherpa, a pigeon monkey, and an old man named Jasper who whispers sweet nothings into your ear with his didgeridoo or you write about rocket science, ANYTHING is better than nothing!
4.) Routine builds boredom but consistency wins trophies.
Dane is truly an unforgettable legend in the surf world and I consider him to be one of the best surfers of all time. Unfortunately, he's not consistent enough at comps and thus has yet to win a CT event or reach his true potential. But seriously, to me, contests don't mean shit! Bede Durbidge is one of the most consistent surfers and gets great results but unfortunately will be forgotten just as easily as Chris Brown, Jay Larson, or Phil MacDonald.
Don't be predictable in your blog posting/subjects, but don't post once every seven years unless you're Doctor Dre. The average blog by the average person is about an average day in an average world. Who gives a shit if you ate cheerios for breakfast, then took your dog for a walk, did some laundry, went on a jog, and then went to sleep?! How much more interesting would that sentence be if it went something like this: "Today I poured Mickeys into my cereal, my dog bit a magician in the face, I busted a Greg Browning at the laundry mat (even though there was no one in there), ran from the cops, and then passed out in the bushes of the Playboy Mansion from frothing too many myrts"?! Unfortunately, not a true story dot com but could be for some maniac out there and people would love to hear his/her stories because that person is doing things that we can only dream about! Point is, be unpredictable but be consistent (at least 4 interesting/new posts a week).
5.) Invite me to your blogging award party if you make it and I don't.
No matter how otuta control your blog/blogging/blog character gets and no matter how much you start losing your mind (see above, what the fuck was I thinking?), don't forget your roots and the ones who made you, inspired you, and guided you along the way! I know I have Da Dream Team, The AMPAL Creative, Crap Eyewear, Post Surf, Dion, Fish, Dane, Kerrazy, The Hobgoods, The Owl, The Beach Goth, and In Surf News to thank for inspiring me to start this thing a few years back and for continuously making me believe that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel for all the time and ran-dumb thought I've put into this heapa! I also have someone really important to thank; YOU! All the fans and friends out there who believe in me and my wacky/somewhat delusional world/lifestyle and bizarre vocab/thought process and ideas that somehow spit out of my brain, I have you to thank for feeding me the fuel for this fire! THANK YOU!
It's not too much to ask, if I've inspired you, just invite me to your award/premiere/newd & lewd celeb party when you make it (I'll bring the myrts and the weird beers).
Send me an email if you have any more questions or want more advice on how to start a blog. Note: I never said how to start a SUCCESSFUL blog, I'm still trying to figure that one out...