Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Only Room For 1 Surf Ambassador In This Town

Dear Senator Dianne Finestein,
after scrolling through my Washington Times while meeting with William Shatner this morning, it appears as though there has been a slight discrepancy in recent house proposals.  It seems as though a Mr. Bill Posey has mistakenly proposed that a fellow by the name of Kelly Slater be deemed as the unofficial American Surf Ambassador.  I am not only disheartened, shocked, and in a state of disbelief but immediately after hearing this tragic news, my froth tank (for the first time in 26 years) is completely empty!       

As a fellow firm believer in the US Constitution (except for the 18th amendment), it would certainly suit you well to review my credentials, triumphs, and hardships before making any impulsive decisions and appointing a Surf Ambassador without a proper surf off, game off, and froth off!

 Sure, Kelly has 9 World Titles, 44 WCT victories, a track record consisting of Pamela Anderson, Gisele, Cameron Diaz, Bar Refaeli etc, and has helped the surfing industry grow by 10 percent over the past five years BUT let me ask you this, Mrs. Finestein: has slates ever frothed a myrt while blasting electrohell, doing a floater tweak, shneeked off freejoles and frothing trog squidies in the back of a pontoon?  Doubtful!  Has Slates ever foamed the ralph out of a myrt and obtained vengeance by dropping a cleo-steamer on the back porch of her sorority house? Unlikely!  Or has Jimmy Slade himself ever been privileged enough to attend the premiere of A Fly In The Champagne not as himself and meet himself after having a few road sodas with the chaos crew?  I think not good mam!  There's plenty more where that came from my friend, so please reconsider before a huge mistake has been made!
The people have spoken, sorry Kelly, I will not bow down until justice is SURFED!!!! ummm I mean served...

Shout out to Mozambique for da article
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1 comment:

  1. globe trotting and with a cell phone of victoria secret ex-girl friends...that's not a man of the people.

    surfing crappy waves and frothing on myrts?....that's the real surf ambassador!