Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Hollywood Don't Surf

As I was takin a shit a few days ago, I glanced over to our mag-box and peeped one of my roomie's Variety Mags (a magazine I haven't touched since Hollywood scorched my anus with it's brutal corporate hazing back in my PA days).  As I paged through the demon, I came across a photo of Leroy the Masochist and Matt Johnson that made me glad I had porcelain under my ass cause it almost made me shit myself in a fit of instinctive rage!  I thought to myself, farted, and then yelled: "GREAT! Another Hollywood surf movie filled with cheesy stereotypes, the over-use of the word "dude", Fanning stunt doubling for Lindsay Lohan, and ultimately a stupid fuckin movie sure to overpopulate our already crowded/kook-filled waters". 

 Hollywood & Surfing Example A: Fucking Kook Effron 
However, after digging deeper, I was soon proven wrong and slowly put my foot in my mouth.  Turns out that Greg MacGillvray & Sam George have made a documentary entitled "Hollywood Don't Surf!" which: "chronicles Hollywood's long love affair with the sport, and examines 50 years worth of American surfing movies".  With a filmmaking history going back to "Five Summer Stories" and "Big Wednesday" (amongst others), it seems that both of the directors' roots run deep and that this film might actually educate rather than exploit.  Whether the cast and crew side with me and use this film to depict the pain, anguish, and horror that Hollywood has inflicted on our glorious sport/art/lifestyle through countless misdoings; is not clear yet.  However, one thing is for certain, I did not use the article to wipe my ass, so there might be hope for this film after all...

"Hollywood Don't Surf!" premieres at Cannes Film Festival right after my new flick: "Surf Ambassador Hendo & The Lords of Trog Town".  See you there!
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  1. Sam George? the dude who ruined Surfer Magazine with his "localism is bad" "take surfing to the masses" diatribes....