Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Only Balls You Need In Surfing Are Your Own!

 I could seriously give two shits about the basketball/baseball games going on right now.
A)  The only way main stream sports are actually cool is if you're at the actual game getting drunk and picking up on rando athletic myrts who most likely practice yoga, like to drink beer, and froth way harder over surfers than the rest of the meathead rubber neacks in the crowd.
B)  I never play the main stream sports that are on tv so why even bother watching them when I could watch a surf video and mentally tattoo Dane's backside air reverses or K-Robb's tail wafts into my dome instead?
C)  Everyone puts the same lame facebook status about basketball or baseball: "Love my Lakers" "This is the year bay-bay" "Doyers for life dawg!" "Did you see that catch/basket/ass grab?!!" "omg so excited for the game! omg, just got matching team outfits for me and my dog omg! omg! yay!" "Just got pulled over for popping my collar too high but it's all good cause my team won dawg!" blah blah blah
D)  It takes literally no skill to throw a ball into a basket or swing a stick to hit a pebble or catch a croissant in the middle of a grass field for that matter.
E)  I'd like to see Kobe or Larry Bird or Nolan Ryan or who the hell ever plays sports these days charge one of these facking massive pits that Hippo and his homies huck themselves into:

Bitter broke brada
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Cum Again?

You're all a bunch of facking perverts!  I was just talkin about my favorite metamorphic amphibole!  Yeah it's called Cummingtonite, weird?  I think nacht!  May all of you be blessed with cummingtonite...
cred Cri 
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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

We Like, We Like To Party

Just like the good ol' Hoff-a-leanz over there, we like to have a few suds and spirits from time to time around these parts.  With Memorial Day weekend on the horizon, the weekend calender is starting to fill up and the weather man predicts rolling black outs with a heavy chance of froth.  Here's some shit to RSVP to if you're in the Cali area this weekend and wanna froth out with your moth out; Ambassador style.  Who knows, I could very well be showin (& suckin) some face at some of these frothfests...
If you've enjoyed the tunes on here the last few weeks/months, the least you can do is pay my mentors some respect and check 'em out this friday at the AC Lounge.
Guns In The Sun at The AC Lounge; Friday, May 28th.  
Guns In The Sun RSVP

Tux and Chux: Friday May 28th @ The Echoplex
Vice Party RSVP

Swimming With Sharks: Saturday May 29th @ The Standard Downtown LA.
Swimming With Sharks RSVP

Beachwood BBQ: Saturday, May 29th @ Beachwood
BeachWood RSVP
Deadmau5 @ Intervention Sundays: Sunday May 30th @ The San Diego Hard Rock Hotel
Good Luck
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"I Like To Get High..."

"In The Air On My Surfboard..." - Wardo Circa mid 90's from Billabong's classic VHS tape entitled Alley Oop.   Well, Wardo my man, somethings never change, groms still like to get high (in the air on their surfboards...)
Kustom Airstrike 2010 - Best entries so far.. from Kustom Airstrike on Vimeo.
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Monday, May 24, 2010

Myrtle Monday Mystery

I know what you're thinking; "shit, SAH ran out of Myrtles to post up and is trying to take a short cut by asking for viewers to submit myrt pics".  How wrong you are my friends, how wrong you are!  Even though I probably only have a good total of 2 dedicated viewers (guy from The Big Big Lotto Team who writes me each day saying I won £100,000 {whatever the fuck that means] and creepy stalker chick who sent me her retainer/headgear double set in the mail); I thought that it's about time I get some people involved on here FOR ONCE!  So what am I doing?  I'm asking you (myrt or man) to email me ( Myrtle Monday submissions.  Here's an example to motivate you lazy freaks: 

 Sisley Treasure
Shiny Toy Guns- Starts With One (Classixx Remix)  (BUY)

The rules are simple; send me some pictures of some myrtles who are SAH steez.  The Myrts do not have to be physically attractive (see Myrtalia Mondaze V) but should have something about them that would typically catch my attention/makes them stand out of the normal crowd (i.e. great voice, cool clothing company, great surfer, World's best librarian, sex tape with Ray J etc...).  Basically, we're looking for women of character who are strong willed, passionate, and follow their dreams (i.e. idols that motivate people male or female).  Send me a pic and a song if the myrt or myrts you choose are musically talented (or send an example of their specific talent).    

If you are a myrt yourself and would like to send in a submission, feel free to send me a pic along with your special talent (umm yea, I know, sounds super creepy) and my board of directors will go ahead and review your submission and post accordingly, just please don't send me your retainer or headgear!  (Side note: SAH don't do no sexual favors so leave the funny biz at home, this is a family blog for Poseidon's sake!).
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Saturday, May 22, 2010

Skate Surf Skurf

Reminds me of my usual Saturday nights...

Headin down to the Vans Combi Pool today with WINDOWSEATpictiures to shoot the ProTec Pool Party and then edit the show for Fuel TV.  As we all know, in my Brocab vid, I do attest that skating and surfing are in separate realms, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you can't mimic certain aspects of an opposite realm while in another.  Check these out, you'll see what I mean fuackkkkkkk:

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Friday, May 21, 2010

Mixed Sigs: Castles In The Sky Film Review

 "Some interesting shots, lotta smilin' browns, worth 8 Rupees, nothing more." - The South African Butcher (Immig Ent. Journal)

"The scenic cinematography might have been shot with a Red 7 but some of the surfing footage looked liked it was shot with a red eye." - P-Nuss (Scorpion Breath Times)

"Too much f-arty foam, not enough froth." -Coco Kai (Poseidon's Posse Post)

Don't shoot the messenger, but the reviews for Taylor Steele's latest flick entitled: Castles In The Sky are in...

A few nights ago, we ventured out to Haloewood and parked our asses at the Arclight for the film premiere of Castles In The Sky.  Good crowd, free beer, surf celebs, and a red carpet littered the venue as we strolled on through, slapped some skin, and eventually took our seats.   Lights out, projector on, go time.

As the silver screen flashed with images of beautiful landscape and familiar faces, the prologue began and the intrigue begun.  The prologue served to inform the viewers of the hard work, dedication, detours, good times, bad times, and the all around adventures that accompanied the making of this film.  But it may have also served as a preliminary warning that some of the film images may or may not be as clear as a castle...

As the actual film began, I was initially sucked in by the beautiful scenery, a handful of my favorite pros, and a few great songs that had me lost in the haze of it all.  Unfortunately, all of a sudden, there it was again, a shitty quality film image that really takes you out of the lure and leaves you wondering (from a nerdbot standpoint of course) "did these clips not get rendered?" ("did they just use the proxies and not the high res clips?").  In lamens terms; "why do some of the clips look so clear and clean, but others look like they came from my grandpa's Toshiba mini dv camera?".  I couldn't tell you for certain, but I have a feeling that the post side of things on this film was a bit rushed, to say the least.

Aside from the frequent rando-shit-clip and the unfortunate lack of a completely seamless flow, the surfing and the sounds were pretty par with the usual Steele vid.  I was really impressed with Craig Anderson's part and how steezy and light he looked in slow-mo on the big screen.  Speaking of steez, Rob straight up killed it on an utterly epic Peru left, and Dane amazed me with how well he surfed in water that would literally freeze your balls into mochi right there on the spot (literally).   Not to forget the usual suspects who killed it: Jordy, Rasta, K-Robb, and Mitch Coleborn (sad to say the waves that Dan-O had in this flick didn't really meet my expectations of the legend that I know he truly is). 

All and all, the flick left me a bit confused and wondering/hoping if this was just a rough cut?  With Castles In The Sky being the sequel to an insta-classic surf film (Sipping Jetstreams) and containing an unbeatable playing field of landscape, an all star line-up of top notch surfers, some classic tunes by Years Around The Sun (& others), and a legendary film maker whose track record has almost never disappointed; one might think this formula would inevitably equal a grand success.  I certainly expected a whole lot more from this film and unfortunately, I'm gonna have to say that it was some what of a disappointment.  Regardless of how disappointing it may be, I still have an undying respect for the time, thought, and effort that it took to make this film and would never take that away from the film makers or any one involved with this flick.  So to Taylor, the cast, and the crew, I solute you for your hard work, time, and effort, and I am confident that you can and will undoubtedly do much better in the future!

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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Electro Dome: ++The Futureheads++

I just realized today that it's been too damn long since I've done an Electro Dome feature and spoiled you all with some new good music.  To get back into the swing of things, I thought I'd throw up a couple songs I've been rockin out to lately by The Futureheads.  Ever since first hearing their song "Beginning of the Twist" in CJ Hobgood's part for Taylor Steele's Stranger Than Fiction, I knew this band had what it took to rock the facking house down!  Take a gander at some of their Brit-Indie Alt Rock songs that are sure to get you thumpin and pumpin:

The Futureheads- Beggining of the Twist  (BUY)

The Futureheads- Heartbeat Song  (BUY)

The Futureheads- Hounds of Love  (BUY)

The Futureheads- Hounds of Love (Phones' Wolves At The Doro Remix)

The Futureheads- Struck Dumb  (BUY)
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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

No Regrets

Have you ever dropped into a sick frontside wedger and just high-lined all the way down the thing, hauling ass, and frothing at the mouth while eventually arriving at a meaty lip perfect for a huge boost; and as you make your way closer to the lip, you bottom turn and prepare to launch, but at the very last second, something in your brain tells your body to call for an audible and you launch out the back of the wave instead?  You still manage to boost a sick frontside alley oop out the back but as you land off the face and somewhere into the channel, a sense of regret seeps into your soul as you wonder about what could have been.  Such is life on the fence my friends...

Life can be a lot like surfing in so many ways.  Each wave can represent an opportunity, a risk, or a path that presents itself to you and is yours for the taking.  Which waves you choose to ride and what you decide to do with them is completely up to you; your destiny is in your hands.  Sometimes a wave presents you with a section that surely you could stall for and get a sick barrell out of or you could pump around that section and snap the shit out of the lip.  Again, whether you decide to get barrelled, smack the lip, bust a floater tweak, or punt an air at the end, is all up to you.  Similarly, whether you decide to strike up a conversation with the myrt eye fucking you on the bus, book a ticket to Aus with nothing but a boardbag and a few bucks in the bank, or even quit your fortune 500 job and start a random surf blog about frothing myrts and floater tweaks; it's all up to you.  You are the only surfer on your board and you make the decisions of where your wave/life will take you.  It's up to you to stay on the wave and not pull out the back; because as we all know, the only thing worse than a life filled with regrets is Tasmanian herpes.
So my friends, I ask of you to live your life to the fullest and take chances and risks each day that passes by.  It's so easy to fall into a routine of normalcy consisting of doing the same things every day and every night.  A life filled with normalcy is sure to be a life of regrets.  Get yourself out there and feel alive!  Charge your balls off, froth your heart out, and myrt till your wang falls off!  Live your life with no regrets in the name of the SAH or for youself and all shall be saved!

"People say that your dreams are the only things that save you"
Live your dreams...

Arcade Fire- Rebellion (Lies) (Buy)
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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Only Room For 1 Surf Ambassador In This Town

Dear Senator Dianne Finestein,
after scrolling through my Washington Times while meeting with William Shatner this morning, it appears as though there has been a slight discrepancy in recent house proposals.  It seems as though a Mr. Bill Posey has mistakenly proposed that a fellow by the name of Kelly Slater be deemed as the unofficial American Surf Ambassador.  I am not only disheartened, shocked, and in a state of disbelief but immediately after hearing this tragic news, my froth tank (for the first time in 26 years) is completely empty!       

As a fellow firm believer in the US Constitution (except for the 18th amendment), it would certainly suit you well to review my credentials, triumphs, and hardships before making any impulsive decisions and appointing a Surf Ambassador without a proper surf off, game off, and froth off!

 Sure, Kelly has 9 World Titles, 44 WCT victories, a track record consisting of Pamela Anderson, Gisele, Cameron Diaz, Bar Refaeli etc, and has helped the surfing industry grow by 10 percent over the past five years BUT let me ask you this, Mrs. Finestein: has slates ever frothed a myrt while blasting electrohell, doing a floater tweak, shneeked off freejoles and frothing trog squidies in the back of a pontoon?  Doubtful!  Has Slates ever foamed the ralph out of a myrt and obtained vengeance by dropping a cleo-steamer on the back porch of her sorority house? Unlikely!  Or has Jimmy Slade himself ever been privileged enough to attend the premiere of A Fly In The Champagne not as himself and meet himself after having a few road sodas with the chaos crew?  I think not good mam!  There's plenty more where that came from my friend, so please reconsider before a huge mistake has been made!
The people have spoken, sorry Kelly, I will not bow down until justice is SURFED!!!! ummm I mean served...

Shout out to Mozambique for da article
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 Poseidon's Posse met up with some of the Aussie lads last Saturday, loaded up thier Astro Van, frothed up a couple road sodas, and pretty much just got weird in the streets from LA to SB on a lil day trip to see Chromeo & Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros! Unfortunately no cameras were allowed into the show so use your imagination on that end. Cheers mates!

Poseidon's Posse Astro-Van-A-Ganza 2010 from Surf Ambassador Hendo on Vimeo.
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Monday, May 17, 2010

Castles In The Sky: LA Premiere Tomorrow

Tomorrow night Taylor Steele's sequel to Sipping Jetstreams entitled Castles In The Sky is premiering at the Arclight in Hollywood at 8PM and then again at 9:45PM.  Buy your tix here and watch the trailer below.  It's been rumored that various notorious members of Poseidon's Posse will be there frothing on myrts and shouting bro calls.  I'll be there signing autos, handing out stickies, and eventually getting squidies by the end of the night...

CASTLES IN THE SKY from Sipping Jetstreams on Vimeo.
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Maniac Myrt Madness

Thought I'd give a little stroke (out of disgust/hatred) to the most annoying, idiotic, yet sometimes oddly attractive Maniac Myrts in the biz.  You may need 2 buckets for these myrts, one to puke in, and one to ummmm well...
 Lindsay La-ho-han(djob)

Par(ice) Hilton

 Britney Spears(a-mint-rhino)

Heidi Montrog

Tila "Squid-lips" Tequila

Lady Gagsacock

Kim Kardash-ian(my bedroom)

Ke$ha (aka biggest claimjumper ever: "brush my teeth with Jack" are you fucking kidding me?!)

Nicole (I used to be hot till I married the biggest kook in the world) Ritchie

LCD Soundsystem- Drunk Girls  (BUY)
David Guetta- Sexy Bitch (Chuckie & Lil Jon Remix Ft Akon)  (BUY)
Ke$ha- Cik Cock (Fred Falke Radio Edit)  (BUY)
Parice Hilton- Nothing In This World (Dave Aude Radio Edit)  (BUY)
Britney Spears(a-mint-rhino)- 3 (Robot Love Remix)  (BUY)
Adolescents- L.A. Girl  (BUY)
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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Lads, Road Sodas, Chromeo, N' Skoolies

Met up with some classic Aussie lads on Thursday and demolished the streets of DTLA, woke up the next day there after and did it again for SB's Extravaganza.  Loaded up their Astro Van dream machine with some road sods and barged it to IV.  Unfortunately traffic sucked ass and we missed Eddie Sharpe & The Mag Zeros but made it just in time for Chromeo to take the stage.  There's definitely some weird footage of the festivities comin your way (some myrt was all "see you on youtube" after we tore up the dance floor with a good plethora of myrts frothing over the new stickers, AMPAL/Crap steez, and Aussie accents).  This Chromeo vid oughta tie you down for now though:

Sick at parts but flamey at others...
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Friday, May 14, 2010

Stick It To 'Em

Feast your eyes on mylatest con-cock-shun!  That's right 250 SAH stickers ready to be slapped on myrt ass, big boobies, and boards all over the World! 

Send me an email at subject: Sticker wirth your Address in the email and I'll send you some of these beauties free of charge so you can start spreadin the word and spreadin some legs!
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 As much as I hate to brag or boast, every now n then people oughta give themselves a rub n' tug if they're proud of something they've put a lot of time and effort into.  Today is one of those days (so skip this article if you don't wanna sit in on a Claimjumper session).

The fruit of my labor sprouted a few days ago once I found out my Nike 6.0 Highlight Video edits made it onto the front page of the ASP site and I literally frothed all over my jeans and straight up soiled them yet again.  Take a look at the final day vid I cut and Chris from Seeworthy Project frothed up on his site!   

 PS to the kooks on youtube hating on my edits or song choices: go fuck yourself!
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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

3D Shit Is Lame

What's so cool about 3D shit anyways?
Other than the picture above and the possibilities in that realm, I straight up think 3D is some of the dumbest shit that I've seen in a while.  Everyone in the World has a hard on for the supposed "magic" that 3D film and tv shows create.  The magic is a hoax, don't believe the hype.

I'm proud to say that I'm probably the last person on the planet who has yet to actually watch Avitar so I'm not gonna bash that one till i see it (which will most likely be never).  However, I've seen some shit they're trying to do with 3D surfing, skating, snowboarding, motorcorssing, boardshorts, cereal, slip n' slides, and even SOAP for cryin out loud and they all make me wanna take my finger, shove it down my throat, run to the nearest Walmart and straight up ralph all over their 3D isle. 

Why do I hate this shit so much?  Couple reasons:
a)  I'm getting old and my eyes are starting to suck (I seriously can barely read my drink tabs at the bar, great convo starter tho, gets em every time) so trying to put those stupid fucking glasses on my face and actually focus is twice as much work for me and it ends up giving me the worst head ache. 
b)  If I wanted to wear some stupid glasses that made me look like an idiot, I'd wear Arabian sunglasses on the reg (or Sabres).
c)  3D technology does not work well with surfing what so ever because both platforms are moving (the wave and the surfer) and the computer isn't smart enough to make it look cool yet.
e)  Corporations expect people to be stupid enough to buy anything with the word 3D on it
f)  People are stupid enough to buy anything with the word 3D on it
g)  Tron already came out with this idea like 28 years ago 
h)  If you really want to experience something cool, don't be lazy, just do it in your real life
i)  4D will come out in a year and everything 3D will be outdated, Jurassic, and "sooooo 2010"
j)  The projector screen costs a couple G's so when you try to grab Keira Knightley's ass and accidentally rip through the screen, you're shit out of luck
k)  The new 3D Hollywood movie based on a true story about Stand Up Paddle boarding is starring Zach Effron, Justin Beiber, Kevin Federline, and Spencer form the hills.  But it's not what you think, it's actually a gay porno...
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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Faded Belated Myrtle Monday

Hey Mates,
I'm back in da city of anals ummm I mean Angels and ready to start frothin some more updates.  Until then, these myrts oughta quench yar apetite for meow:
Aleix Krauss
Sleigh Bells- Crown On the Ground

Alison Goldfrapp
Goldfrapp- Rocket (Grum Remix) (Cred Kenya)

Fuckkk Off- More Than Friends (Markus Lange & Streofunk Remix) (Cred Kenya)

Julia Stone
Angus & Julia Stone- And The Boys

Katy Perry
Katy Perry- Electric Feel

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Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Lifeguard Tower Project

Hey guys, pardoney the lack of updates, I've been working the graveyard shift for the Nike 6.0 Lowers Pro comp editing the highlight videos and watching pure madness go down!  Check out the Highlight Videos I've done thus far!  Today is the last day of the comp and I've got a few vids to cut tonight but afterwards, it's partay time!  

Anyways, I came across this article the other day about a new project goin down in LA this summer.  It's called The Lifegaurd Project and it basically gets community volunteers and artists involved in decorating lifegaurd towers in frothy and unique ways.  Sounds like a cool way to spice up the beach and give the pervs something more to look at then just a bunch of hot ass and air reverses!  Just as long as they don't get Jonah form Summer Heights High to paint, I think they'll be just fine!

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