Friday, October 16, 2009

Who Can Creep Out The Fedex Guy More?

Ever find yourself extremely bored at work and lurkin on facebook just ain't cuttin it no mo? Fear no more my fine frothy fellows and fantastic flirty felines, Surf Ambassador Hendo's got just the remedy to kill your boredom. It's a new game I made up one day called: "Who can creep out the Fedex guy more?" I know the concept and the point of the game might not be uber self explanatory so let me explain...
To make a long story short, this idea came to me one rainy day in the midst of a typical work session. My office/pubicle/dwelling is the closest one to the front door and thus I'm usually the first one to answer the door when it rings. Every freaking day there's usually this UPS dude who will not stop talking to me about getting weird, drinkin beers, and being young and free. It's hilarious but super weird cause he's pretty old and he always makes sure to remind me that it's almost "beer thirty" and that I should make sure that I take full advantage of my freedom while I still can. Anyways, a co-worker whose office was right by the front door as well, would constantly overhear the random conversations I'd have with this dude and afterward would always say: "dude that's some weird shit man, you're talking to the Fedex dude about getting weird? WTF Bro?!" To my defense I told him "you have no idea brah..."So we got to talkin and one thing led to another and eventually we made a bet that the first person to creep out the next delivery guy gets $5 and claiming rights for all of time. Seeing as though I don't give a shit about doing this sort of thing, I decided to go first out of the two of us and was ready to get weird. We went back to our respective cubicles and tried to work while we waited for the door bell to ring. Five minutes passed and no door bell rang. Fifteen minutes passed and the only thing that rang was the cow bell that sits on my desk (can never have enough cow bell). An hour passed and FINALLY the door bell rang. This was it, my time to shine, my time to prove that I could be creepier than my office mate, and hopefully my time to scare the shit out of some poor innocent delivery dude.
So we both lurked out of our offices and I poked my head around the corner and saw a 5 foot 9 lil Fedex feller drenched from the rain holding onto a box ready to be signed for. I politely opened the door and let the lil guy in. Immediately upon him entering, I greeted him with an overly friendly and obnoxiously loud "What's Up Man?! How's it goin Dude?!" to which he awkwardly responded: "oh not much mang, please sign here." I gave him a classic creepy smile and again loudly responded: "Cool Man, You Got It Bro, NO PROBLEMOOO!!!" At this point I could sense a bit of his uneasiness and knew it was time to strike. Just as my pen was about to hit his electronic Fedex gadget to sign for the package, I lifted up my head and said: "Hey man, byyyyy the wayyyyy, what are you up to this weekend man?". With some overly shifty eyes quickly looking left then right then left and right again (as if he wasn't sure that I was talking to him) he finally made nervous eye contact with my bug eyes and shrugged: 'Uhhh ha ummm probably just uhh staying dry you know mang, it is kinda wet out there ha". After saying so, he awkwardly smiled and immediately began looking at the ground and slowly backpedaled closer to the door. So again, as creepy as possible, without ever breaking eye contact, I responded wide eyed/huge smiled and said: "Oh COOL MAN, Sounds Good, Sounds Great, Well HEY! You Know Whatttt, If You're Not Busy Man, I'm Actually Having A RAAADDD Puppet Show Just Up The Street At The Dog Park Up There, You Should Come By And Check It Out Dude, Should Be A Great Turn Out, Whata Ya Say Bud?!!?!" At this point the dude was pretty much already out the door without me even signing for the package. With his back up against the wall and hand on the door knob he quite nervously cleared his throat and then responded: "Oh ha umm uhh yeah ha umm cool uhhh" looks at the ground again and points to the package and says "ha ya thanks man umm please sign uhhh thanks mang, I have to go, very busy, lots of packages mang." At that point, I knew I had done my duty and I decided to stop the suffering, signed the package, and let the lil feller go. He bolted out of there faster than a grown man who just ate 6 laxatives, hopped in his truck, and peeled the fuck out. I think I might have heard him say something like "el diablo de mierda" or something like that, not sure... But I wont the $5 and ultimate claimjumper rights for eva! (Rooooooots!)
I'll end it there before this post gets any longer than it is but you get the point. Give this game a lil try and get creative with it people! You can even make up your own shit to entertain yourself at work. Whatever you do, I just wanna hear your stories about lurkin hard and creepin proud! But please just make sure you don't do it to the mail man, they have tendencies of goin postal and the last thing I need is some grom getting shanked cause of my post (disclaimer). Get out there and get weird and email me your stories at
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