Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Wipeouts, Yeah They Suck!

Even though I hate giving surfing a "label" because it is such a glorious and versatile thing that belongs to many different genres, I suppose you could call it an "extreme sport", whatever the hell that means.  Being an "extreme sport", surfing is definitely a sport where you put your body and many times your life on the line when you're shralping the more advanced and or even the death-defying breaks.  
Hell, there's even times when you're a lil grom surfing a shitty small day at Law Street and yet you still risk the chance of pulling into a 3 ft close out barrell, getting sucked over while your board magically hits you in the mouth and gives you a curby, all the while you finally come up for air and notice your whole mouth is bleeding like you just drank a keg full of Hawaiian punch and you can't help but run to the inside screaming "oh my goddddd oh myyy goddddd oh myyyy god!!!!"  After getting 13 stitches on your inner lip and upper gums you wake up the next day and look in the mirror only to realize that you look like a fucking cartoon dinosaur with lips bigger than Lips Herwitz himself and Steven "Horse Mouth" Tyler combined!  So in fear of high school ridicule and embarrassment you end up hiding all day with the kids who normally make the armpit cookies and take the short bus home.  Anyways, I digress, what the hell am I talking about here?  Yup, you guessed it, WIPEOUTS!    
I surfed 46th street yesterday in Newport with local Chaos Crew member and Zeke security guard Kevo Frejo Frothman and for once the waves were pretty good in Cali!  I ate shit on a 5ft backwash drop of doom and landed straight on my face.  The right side of my face felt numb for a good 10 minutes and I felt like I was stoned for a good 5 hours.  The symptoms I had and my Persian friend Camelon aka C Train led me to believe that I had a minor concussion.  That shit really sucked.  
Anyways, after that lil fall I had yesterday it got me to thinking how gnarly surfing really is especially when guys are taking it to a whole other level by surfing places like Pipe, Teahupoo, Ours, Shipsterns, The Box, Puerto, Mavericks, Jaws, and so on.  When guys paddle out to the gnarliest breaks in the World they know they are at dire risk and they know that something really gnarly or even fatal could happen, but that's what makes them pro.  The fact that they realize these things and still charge out there is truly admirable and respectable beyond belief!  I mean, there's been days when I tried to surf 8 ft Big Rock and I was shitting myself in the channel while guys are making death drops and getting shacked out of their gourd.  If I William Shatner-ed myself out at an 8ft Big Rock day, I can't even begin to fathom how I would react to 10 ft Teahupoo or 15 ft Pipe!  
Das what I call a Roots Layback!

Anyways, as much as wipeouts really do suck, every surfer, good or bad, am or pro, knows that wipeouts are just part of the game.  We all know that life is a risk and without taking chances we'd all be sitting inside of a cave right now not knowing how to speak english and probably drooling over each Cro Magnon myrt that clubbed us over the head.  So the next time you get al hot headed and think you can surf Pipe or Teahupoo or Puerto or any of the gnarlier breaks in the World just realize the dire consequences that are on the line, grab your sack, say to yourself FIDLAR (Fuck It Dawg, Life's A Risk), and pray to Poseidon that you don't eat shit like any of the pics above or the vids below!    


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