Friday, August 28, 2009

Have A Good Weekend, Now Go Helicockter Yourself!

Can't get enough of Paul Fisher's hilarious videos and shit!  I'm way too out of it to write anything cool or funny or remarkably intelligent right now (I think it's either cause of that damn mynah concussion on tuesday or da msg from the FeedMeLA adventure I had today) so I'm just gonna leave you with this ridiculous video of the Fish all shneeked out and spinning some DJ shit, scrapping some fool, and then busting a helicockter in front of a good number of humans!  Legend! 

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

-Summer Session- Somewhere In Methico

Somewhere in Methico...

FINALLY someone has heard my request and responded with a gold mine!  My homey Steve is livin it up out in da UAE right now hustlin his ass off and working da grind.  With so much work in da LBC it's kinda hard bein Hendoneeej... umm I mean with so much work for the people that actually have jobs, it's a truly rewarding experience to take a surf trip some where on the map and pray to Poseidon that you score some solid waves.  
This time the troops all rallied for the trip, and somewhere in Methico saw some of the best LJ uber rippers hailing from all parts of the globe and shredding Poseidon's Playground to pieces!  The crew consisted of the Ranga Army (Crane & Crido), Coco Kai, Hsoj Reyab, Euro Grom, and Nussy.  To say that's an all star line-up would be an understatement of a lifetime!  I was about to hop on board for this trip as well but I unfortunately had a few more days left wrapping up the TV show I was working on.  But boy do I wish I frothed this trip with da boyz, I kick myself every time I see these photos that Steve sent me!  Hell, don't take my word for it, I think the pics speak for themselves!
 Either Hsoj or Nuss pigdoggin it and throwin down mad skillz for the goof trop!  Heard he made it too! 

Da Crain in true form frothing a sick one and about to go for the Equinox (double barrel)

Again, either Hsoj or Nuss staying shaded before gettin faded (credit Crap)

Mr Coco Kai throwing an Archy Larry hack in front of da Boyz and lettin 'em all know "don't fuck with this!"

Ginger Army Exec Crido frothing a frontside snappaaaaaah!

Menehune, Crido & Hsoj frothing over Dane Reynold's shred sled, I think I see a wet spot on Hsoj's trunks!

Thanks for sending the pics Nussy!  And for the ones that Coco Kai snapped, thanks for capturing the true beauty of these gentlemen!  You both should be on the look out for your free gift bag full of profos, freejoles, Wild Turkey, one ankle sock, "The Last SUPper" limited edition dvd, Seal's greatest hits, a pube mop, an Abercrombie & Fitch spaghetti strap tank top, 3 ostrich eggs, a fanny pack, boxer briefs provided by Kevin Federline, a customized meigmort beanie baby, an autographed mold of Ron Jeremy's unit, and a thank you card addressed to me!        
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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

We Like, We Like To Party

Paul Fisher aka "Fish" is straight up my new idol.  Guy is fucking hilarious!  Party animal/myrt frother/tail wafter extraordinaire!  His website is pretty rad with hilarious rants and rad videos.  I'm most certainly gonna do another post dedicated to his wildness but for now check out this Coachella party he frothed at and took things to a whole nother level!

Coachella pool party from Paul Fisher on Vimeo.

This is why I wanna move to Australia, to hang with the peeps who know how to keep it real! 

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Wipeouts, Yeah They Suck!

Even though I hate giving surfing a "label" because it is such a glorious and versatile thing that belongs to many different genres, I suppose you could call it an "extreme sport", whatever the hell that means.  Being an "extreme sport", surfing is definitely a sport where you put your body and many times your life on the line when you're shralping the more advanced and or even the death-defying breaks.  
Hell, there's even times when you're a lil grom surfing a shitty small day at Law Street and yet you still risk the chance of pulling into a 3 ft close out barrell, getting sucked over while your board magically hits you in the mouth and gives you a curby, all the while you finally come up for air and notice your whole mouth is bleeding like you just drank a keg full of Hawaiian punch and you can't help but run to the inside screaming "oh my goddddd oh myyy goddddd oh myyyy god!!!!"  After getting 13 stitches on your inner lip and upper gums you wake up the next day and look in the mirror only to realize that you look like a fucking cartoon dinosaur with lips bigger than Lips Herwitz himself and Steven "Horse Mouth" Tyler combined!  So in fear of high school ridicule and embarrassment you end up hiding all day with the kids who normally make the armpit cookies and take the short bus home.  Anyways, I digress, what the hell am I talking about here?  Yup, you guessed it, WIPEOUTS!    
I surfed 46th street yesterday in Newport with local Chaos Crew member and Zeke security guard Kevo Frejo Frothman and for once the waves were pretty good in Cali!  I ate shit on a 5ft backwash drop of doom and landed straight on my face.  The right side of my face felt numb for a good 10 minutes and I felt like I was stoned for a good 5 hours.  The symptoms I had and my Persian friend Camelon aka C Train led me to believe that I had a minor concussion.  That shit really sucked.  
Anyways, after that lil fall I had yesterday it got me to thinking how gnarly surfing really is especially when guys are taking it to a whole other level by surfing places like Pipe, Teahupoo, Ours, Shipsterns, The Box, Puerto, Mavericks, Jaws, and so on.  When guys paddle out to the gnarliest breaks in the World they know they are at dire risk and they know that something really gnarly or even fatal could happen, but that's what makes them pro.  The fact that they realize these things and still charge out there is truly admirable and respectable beyond belief!  I mean, there's been days when I tried to surf 8 ft Big Rock and I was shitting myself in the channel while guys are making death drops and getting shacked out of their gourd.  If I William Shatner-ed myself out at an 8ft Big Rock day, I can't even begin to fathom how I would react to 10 ft Teahupoo or 15 ft Pipe!  
Das what I call a Roots Layback!

Anyways, as much as wipeouts really do suck, every surfer, good or bad, am or pro, knows that wipeouts are just part of the game.  We all know that life is a risk and without taking chances we'd all be sitting inside of a cave right now not knowing how to speak english and probably drooling over each Cro Magnon myrt that clubbed us over the head.  So the next time you get al hot headed and think you can surf Pipe or Teahupoo or Puerto or any of the gnarlier breaks in the World just realize the dire consequences that are on the line, grab your sack, say to yourself FIDLAR (Fuck It Dawg, Life's A Risk), and pray to Poseidon that you don't eat shit like any of the pics above or the vids below!    

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Monday, August 24, 2009

I Want To Surf!

Seems like it's been forever since I've been as surf horny as I am right now!
Surf Ambass & Harem Exec #312

I've been away on a lil mini vacay way up North where the closest thing to a wave I have encountered in the past 4 days was a motor boat's wake that I immediately tried to boost off of while kayaking in Trog Lake (not the kind of motor boating I usually do but still very fun and great for the delts).
What the? Read bellow:

Before that, I don't think I've surfed since the previous saturday with me brother down at D Street. D Street had fun little rippable waves that were almost there but just barely lacked an extra umph or pizaz of push! Suffice to say, it was just a tease, kinda like dangling a Twinkie attached to a Nerd Rope which is tied onto a super king size Twix bar balancing on an Oreo Ice Cream Cake on top of a table made of chocolate which lays in a field made of Pixie Stick grass with Butterfinger dirt while some fat kid struggles to break free from his chains made of steel teetering on a diving board on top of a dunk tank filled with piranas inside of another cage surrounded by Ape-Sharks (Shapes), just a big tease!
Check out for some more frothy and wild goodness!

I do know however that there are some waves right now and I'm sure some of you assholes have been scoring something better than the nothing we've had the past few weeks! As jealous as I am of anyone scoring any kind of rideable face right now (surfing and or frothing), I'm curious to see where you've all been shralping and see what kind of mad skillz you've been throwing down! Send me some photos of recent surf sessions or even surf sessions from earlier this summer (hell any session from anytime or anywhere will do) and I'll post 'em up here and stroke you off for a lil bit!

Email all pictures to:

Until then...
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Saturday, August 22, 2009

AMPAL Creative June Summer Party

Remember that post I wrote a while back about The AMPAL Creative Summer Party they threw in June of 09? Yeah ha, I barely do either. But if you're anything like my number one fan named Zoey Deschanel (thanks for the love letters and constant chocolates, you rock Zo-Zo!) then surely you remember me saying that it was a grand old time! If you're like me, and are sick of hearing me talk then check out this lil frothy video I cut of the party for da boyz over at AMPAL!

AMPAL Summer Party from Ampal Creative on Vimeo.

Now get off your lard asses and check out The AMPAL Creative's new website and buy some of their rad hats before they all get sold out and/or your hair goes completely bald (or your extensions fall out)!

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Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Way It Was IS The Way It Should Be...

Have the following ever happened to you?

-You cruise up on a shitty day of surf just after a sick swell ends and everybody in the crowded ankle high line up says: "shoulda been here yesterday, it was soooo fucking epic man! You totally blew it!"

-You begin a college career in a bustling party town and all the alumni old cats inform you: "shoulda been here years ago when it was like the Wild West with parties everywhere, free love, rock and roll, and not a cop to be seen for miles".

-You cruise up to a bar filled with trogs and your buddies call you from a limo saying: "Dude we're in a stretch Hummy with a bunch of hot babes headed to their suite at the Bellagio in Vegas, shoulda been there 5 minutes earlier, some chick named Megan Fox or sumthin was totally asking about you!"

-You buy your first pair of munster pants and finally rock them at the most indie hipster bar in town thinking you'll be the cats meow. As you walk up to the bar counter, some dude mistakes you for a chick from behind, some chick tells you she has the same pair of jeans, you hear someone shout: "nice tights squid lips, those are sooooo last year kook!", and thus you become the laughing stock of (

If you answered yes to any of these scenarios, chances are you are just like me and have been asking yourself the same damn question for days, weeks, and years:

Why is everything so much cooler a day before you get there?
I hate to add insult to injury but the scenario that seems to piss me off the most is when people describe how cool the 70's and 80's were compared to how things are now! Don't believe the hype? Take a look at this MENTAL video of Wind 'N back in the 70's! (Credit Wiley Man for showing me this gem!) Words can not describe how jealous I am of the life they led! They truly defined a rock and roll lifestyle that will hopefully (for our sake) one day be revisited in a passion of glory!

But until then my friends,
Stay Weird, Stay Wild, and Stay Free

Check out RK's Hydronamica Blog to see the full Wind 'N post and more epic videos and pics

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Surfer Chicks vs. Women Pro Surfers

Surfer Chicks 
Although Marisa Miller ain't no pro surfer, she can be in the water all she wants for all I care (just as long as her face doesn't prune up)  


Women Pro Surfers
Carissa Moore showing us how it's done and big shotting about 90% of all dude surfers 

Disclaimer: Don't get me wrong here, I love women and think that they are Poseidon's greatest creation ever and would never do anything to intentionally piss them off or be sexist in any way for that matter.  The following words might be hard to hear but don't get mad at me, I only speak the truth.  

Decide for yourself, but I think there's definitely a huge difference between surfer girls and Women Pro Surfers.  Surfer girls suck.  For some reason they think it's cool to be a super stereotypical surfer dude and brag about the quiver they own, wear sandals to prom, constantly have alarms going off and then say "oh dude I gotta go catch the evening glass", they watch Blue Crush at least twice a day, they're all about the "mellow vibes", and they wear a friggin wetsuit to class like it's some kind of new fashion statement!  And when the time finally comes to go surf with them, they can barely stand up on knee high inside white water waves at a beach break and they've supposedly been surfing for "15 years man"!  Please relocate to the nearest Claim Jumper, table for 4, under the name "Jabroney" (same goes for kook dudes who claim they can shralp).  
Paris Hilton claims she can surf but from the looks of things I think she's better off surfing the internet!   Koby Abberton how could you?  (I don't blame you bra boy, I'd probably do the same thang mate)

Yea, my perception might be tainted due to the fact that I have had the occasional run-in with surfer girls in the water who think it's cool to snake dudes cause they're a girl (Blacks Beach circa '03, chick snaked me on an epic left cause she was trying out for the UCSD surf team, wrong move sista, wrong move!  Next epic left comes through and she paddles around me for priority, I don't think soooo!  I dropped in left on my wave in front of her and I think she either grabbed my leash or summoned Poseidona [Poseidon's wife] cause we both ate shit and came up for air being all tangled up and then we began yelling at each other, some would call it anger, I call it sexual tension, then we made out in the heat of the moment and paddled our separate ways, true    
Paige Hareb can boost higher than me, you, and your brother combined

On the other hand, Women Pro Surfers Rule!  I have really been taken aback by how hard Women Pro Surfers are shralping these days!  Women Pro Surfers know what's up and they could care less about showing off their quiver or going to school in a freaking wetsuit.  No joke, when I was out on da Nor Chore last year and was surfing Rocky Point just straight up getting schooled by groms, the girls out there were giving me a run for my money as well.  Not only did Megan Abubo snake me on what could have been such a frothy left (I just sat there like a lil puppy watching her smack lip after lip), Coco Ho and Paige Hareb were throwing buckets that made my spray look like tear drops (oh Crap, uhhhhh come to think of it, I actually think those were real tears... tears of embarrassment)!
Coco Ho Po keeping da family legacy alive like no other!

Although there was quite the controversy this last winter when Coco Ho dropped in on queen trog Layne Beachley with seconds left in the Reef Hawaiian Pro final, I personally think that was the most punk rock shit I've seen in a while!  Not only did Coco snake Layne but she boosted one of the sickest frontside indy airs I've ever seen a chick do before!  At that moment, I think something inside my head said: "shit dude, Women's Surfing is stepping it up, long gone are the days of Blue Crush and Gidget, these chicks are definitely way better than me and most of the men out there!"  So for all you guys out there hating on Women's Pro Surfing, keep hating all you want but just realize that one day you'll be out at Rocky's and the next thing you know girls will be running circles around your ass and make you so embarrassed that you have to ride in on your stomach in fear of looking like a kook (not true 
               Silvana Lima throwing mad steez while being high as fug! 

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Frothing Myrtles

DJ Electro Hell & Luna-Tick @ The NASA El Rey Theater show frothing (obviously)

Dude so I'm giving a shot at being a DJ and started a new group with Da Zoo Keepa himself aka Luna-Tick aka Carpe-Noctum aka Ettore Scola! We're called Frothing Myrtles and even though we haven't fully pumped out any songs yet, our following is 3 seas deep and our harem reaches from here to the Sierra Desert! So all day today and yesterday I've been locking myself into my room (I have no room so this means moving a see-through drape on a bar that barely does shit to block out the light or late night intruders) and have been straight up froth rocking with my headphones on and my hands in the air!
DJ Electro Hell and his on stage harem, frothing and foaming (obviously)

I've thus far made a 39 minute mix tape that consists of about 30 songs that will rock your freaking socks off! My vision for this tape is for it to become the Ultimate International Party Mix aka the go to guy when it comes to getting loose and getting weird at a party, at a club, at a barn, or an ethernet hub. With my electro hell knowledge and expertise spliced together with some classic old skool inspiration, surely this tape will not let you down as you turn that shit to vulme 10 and rock out with your froth out! Seeing as it is my first mix ever, it is still a lil rusty and needs a lotta work but this shit should be done a week after I return from my radical sabbatical. Keep your eyes pealed for Frothing Myrtles, cause we're stealing the World's virginity and then their bikes! (credit da man overhearing FT kook circa 2003).
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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Legend of Surf ?

Yeah so after my daily routine of scouring the internet for someone or something that will pay me for my mad skillz, I like to take little 5 minute tea breaks.  Upon sipping on my Charles Shaw red tea today, I stumbled upon a low quality cubic zirocnia (aka a low ass quality gem) that heals the power of boredom fo free!  It surely ain't no Championship Surfer (best surf video game evaaaa) but it's kinda entertaining and you can spin mad alley oops if you've got skillz.  The game is called Legend of Surf starring Big Wave Dave and it's pretty whack if you ask me, but I still play it anyway (play it here).  

Firstly, the characters names are Big Wave Dave (couldn't be any more cliche?) and Sandy Dunes.  Secondly, you can only be one character (BWD: Big Wave Dave), so what's the point of having 2 characters?  And thirdly this shit is bonkers.  
Basically you ride this dude's piece of shit sidewalk longboard and pump down the line doing airs as you try to avoid rocks and pick up these freejoles shneek looking things.  Once you pick up some of these freejoles shneek bags you get super shneeked out and start doing huge ass airs and spinning into alley oops or air reverses, to which ever you prefer.  
Eventually the wave dies out and they score you for how gnarls your airs were and how many freejoles shneek bags you collected.  Then you're off to the next wave, where all these ships and boulders and random ass things pop up in the water to hinder your path and attempt to make you fall.  If you're good enough (or bored enough) at this game, good luck at trying to beat my high shhhhhhcore!  I'll sssshhheeee youuu at the winersshhh shhhhircle right nexxsshht to the dungeonssshhh and dragonssshhh tablesshhhhhh!  Oh crap I jussshhhttt drooled all over my keyboard and my headgearsh isshhh caught on my hamsshhhter's ear, ZOIGS!!!!!!!         

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Sunday, August 9, 2009

Simpo is Sick

This video clip of Brett Simpson (woulda been harder if he was named Bart but who's counting eh?) is frggin sick!  The kids definitely got some damn talent and it ain't no surprise that  he took the win this year at the US Open along with 100 G's (biggest first place purse in surfing history)!  
Keep shralping dude, you'll be on da CT soon enough...

Simply Simpo - Episode 1 from LIEBER VISION on Vimeo.

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Thursday, August 6, 2009

+Relapse+ Da Lost Crew

Whatever happened to all the characters in surfing?  The punk rock guys who hardly ever surfed but were down with the boys to party, talk shit to the other people in your heat, drop in on a 10 foot half pipe (never having skated), surf down house stairs, and just plain make surf videos that much more entertaining!  What comes to mind when I think of guys like that is the old skool stuff that went down in the Lost vids.  Guys like Randall and Chicken Willy and the dude in The Decline who talks about how he did a chop hop 180 and the lady gave him a 3 cause he caught her pissin behind his van.  Where are the guys like that who just plain don't give a shit?  Let me know where they're at cause I got a camera, a 30 pack, some lighter fluid, and some surf spots that should all make for a mental vid!  

Highlights from forgotten heroes 

Chicken Willy

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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Surfs Flat, But The Beer Ain't!

Damo pulling into what looks like a hostpital pit (a break in North TJ)
During that fun swell 2 weeks ago, I didn't really find much time to post stuff cause I was surfing every single say for 9 days straight.  I had a lot of fun during that nice lil streak and caught some frothy ones for sure!  But once the swell faded away (along with my buzz), I found myself jobless, homeless, and shirtless again on the beach waiting for something and anything to roll through... I sat and I waited but nothing came through... UNTIL...

Lights, music, babes, and freaks!  That's right, the Party Parade came into town!  Last weekend was my first time at Manhattan Beach's annual 6 man drinking I mean volleyball tournament, and I must say it was quite the damn show.  I didn't even know there were volleyball courts there until a ball hit me in the face.  To me it seemed more like a booze fest full of frothing and foaming till you drop!  Not gonna get too into it (cause I think I'm still faded from Saturday) but this video from last year should give you a small idea of what it's all about (minus the rando kooks):
Be on the look out for something frrrrrrrrothy headed your way...
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