Saturday, July 18, 2009

Thane Reynolds Is That You?

Ok, so yeah, I'll admit it, straight up, I'm delirious and hallucinating right now from lack of sleep and endless days of work, junk food, and nerd botting but let me ask you this, am I fucking nuts? Certainly not. I've been listening to a shitload of White Lies lately. Their epic tracks have been getting me through the sleepless work month for sure, and just yesterday I saw their music video for Farewell To The Fairground for the first time. After watching the vid, I came across some SHOCKING NEWS! Dane Reynolds has a twin brother who just so happens to be the lead singer of one of my favorite bands, White Lies! Dane's twin brother's real name is Thane Reynolds and his band is fucking rad!

I found an article in the basement of a Thai massage parlor and as it turns out, sadly, Dane and Thane were separated at birth due to undisclosed circumstances. Dane grew up shralping Ventura later to become one of surfing's most influential new wave surfers of all time and eventually the future World Champ (that is if the ASP sticks around, more to come on that sour subject later). Thane, on the other hand, went down the road less traveled on and joined the Bakersfield circus at the early age of 4.
Brothers Reynolds post separation age 12

After 3 months of frequent fights with his 49 yr old girlfriend named Maude aka "the bearded wizard", Thane soon fled his nude juggling act and headed to Haole-wood, California. It was here that Thane took a turn for the worst and began heavily using the drug commonly known as "ovaltine". Although a filthy habit, his drug use may have been a blessing in disguise. On one cloudy and fateful night, Thane found himself relapsing in the back of a taco truck on the corner of Hollywood and Vine (home to the star of Emmanuel Lewis) when all of a sudden, fate hit him in the back of the head and his life would be forever changed! No, a piece of carne freejoles did not hit him, it was actually a golden guitar belonging to a sir Charles Cave of London. Thane was knocked out cold by this sudden guitar impact but soon awoke in a state of complete oblivion and began referring to himself as "Harry McVeigh".
Thane, Harry, who ever you are, you shred at guitar!

Harry and Charles soon hit it off, became good friends, and started a revolutionary rock band that would later be known as White Lies. Slowly but surely it became evident that all those years of watching late night Jane Fonda infomercials really paid of for Thane, for his guitar shredding skills were like no other! On top of that, something from the Ovaltine usage must have coated his throat with a glorious ambrosia, for sir Thane or "Harry" began to sing like a roman God similar to the voice of Dave Gahan from the famous Depeche Mode.
The brothers have not seen nor spoken to each other since age 1 but I think after reading this article they will both realize what wonderful humans they have become and reunite to create the ultimate bash bros duo! Dane and Thane! Can you imagine that? Thane and White Lies playing a set at the point at Rincon while Dane shreds and shralps to the sounds of his long lost brother! Now that's what I call bro-nomenal!

Speaking of White Lies... I think my delirium has become a false serum drug. Am I even awake right now? or is life but a dream?
Here's the video:
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