Tuesday, July 21, 2009

SAH Searches For True Love...

(Photo Credit: My Real Idol Lewis at PostSurf.com) 

Yeah so in my most recent state of delirium this past week I got freaking weird, really weird and bored too!  One night I got back from work at like 4am and I just couldn't sleep (don't ask why) and I decided to creep some people the fuck out! I've been looking on Craigslist a lot lately for a new surf bungalow to dwell in and I came across some really creepy stuff so I decided to play a lil joke and see what kind of freaks would respond to what I wrote. So I went to the personals and posted the following add in search of my true love:
Here's what I wrote on the personal adds (don't ask me how I came up with this shit but yeah it's fucking weird!):

Sculpted like the stone cold statue of Poseidon, I am his only son and have indeed been on a 2 and a half decade quest in search of my female equivalent! I live underwater in the depths of the pacific ocean and to say that I have gills is a definite understatement (I was born with webbed toes, fingers, and an especially long vertebrate that sticks out my rear about 3 inches). My quest to find my perfect luscious mythical mermaid lingers on like a never ending SBD (silent but deadly). Thine mermaid I doth seek must abide by the following simple features: a matching birth mark that resembles Poseidon's valiant trident (located on left deltoid), must be able to hold breath underwater for at least an hour and a half (preferably while reading Moby Dick), must know how to play Mexican roulette, must speak gorbatron dialect (3rd sector, 2nd squadron), must know how to cook a plenty ambrosia (using hogs breath, rats tails, and lizard bile), must be a useful first mate (aka know thine difference between the poop deck and scurvy), and last but not least my mythical mermaid (if she doth exist) must be knowledgeable about fighting serpents, octopi, plankton, pelicans, barnacles, and the one eyed Mike Losness Monster Kook (MLMK). Doth you dare take a journey with Poseidon's only son into the deep valley of the pacific squalls? Prepare to set sail for this ship is about to set sail and yarrrr don't come a knockin when this boat is a rockin! (u send pic, I send disturbing pic, yarrrrr froth). 
Yeah that shit's weird, but you know what will be even weirder?  Is the REAL responses I get when some freakazoid wants to get weird with a bearded sea God's son!  I will keep you all posted with the email responses I get back as soon as they SURFace ja ja chuckle chuckle, get it?

  
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